Patience is a virtue...

When I was a little girl, I had a t-shirt or poster or button for my denim jacket or something that said:
Please be patient; God isn't finished with me yet.

For the past several months in particular, I've been pretty hard on myself about some things. Not being able to predict others' actions, for one. Also, there's not having foresight to "know better" about decisions that seemed rational at the time. Etc.

A couple of dear friends have chimed in with  my mother and sister's encouragement for me to be nicer to myself. In fact, Cicily even said the other day that she wished I'd be nicer to myself in my dreams (because for a while there, I wasn't).

It occurred to me tonight that the phrase from elementary school doesn't only apply to children. At 32 9/10, God still isn't finished with this redhead yet (thankfully!). I don't have to beat myself up for not having "arrived" or not knowing the answers far in advance. I just have to pray for His will to be done, take the path that seems wisest, and learn from it all.

So RJ, please be patient. Even 1/3 (or 1/2)-way into my life span, I know for a fact that God is definitely, positively, in no way finished with me yet.

And that is so comforting!

I have a dream.

Every night -- several times a night.

And as far as I can tell, I remember ALL of them.

And here lately, I'm about sick of it.

I'm not saying I'm anything akin to a Biblical character, but in the past few weeks, I'm starting to wonder if I don't need a dream interpreter.

My dreams have always been odd -- always. But lately, they leave me feeling unrested and unhappy with myself when I wake up. UN. ACC. EPT. A. BLE. Completely unacceptable!

Off the top of my head (no pun intended), my recent dreams have included:

• My being on my way to prison (for what, I'm not clear on).


• My parents being disappointed in me for not having children (which, to their credit, they never harass me about, so it's a really odd dream).


• Working again for a former boss (from a lifetime ago) who was uber-critical, and who said he was still let down that I wasn't following his advice from the year 2000.


• My being on the "Lost" island (pretty sure I know where that one stems from, since I got hooked on the show while I was out with strep).


• Plans I've made being very messed up (orders not coming in correctly, things going awry, etc.).

And the list goes on.

I've always had a bit of a guilt complex in general (even though if you know my sister, you're aware that mine pales to almost transparent in comparison), but good HEAVENS. Waking up every morning feeling bad about myself is RIDICULOUS.

I would say I need a vacation, but as I told some friends earlier this week (or was it last week?), every vacay I've taken lately has resurfaced some very unwanted and tangible ghosts from the past. So, no thanks.

I never thought I'd say this, but I might be ready for my "normal" dreams -- where everyone from all stages of my life are hanging out, but we're all Smurf blue. Or friends from a certain time period have a reunion...with paintball wars...in a department store.

But these current dreams -- how to fix them?

Is there an app for that?

Or, at the very least, an herb?