#SilentWriters

Conveniently, now that it's Wednesday, I'm committing to join the #SilentWriters movement comprised of prose bearers everywhere who dedicate 60 minutes each Tuesday night to writing in silence.

My writing may not always turn up here, but at least some of it should.

There. I said I'd do it, and I will. Let's see what comes of this newfangled #silentwriting. :-)

Whew.

I know I have at least one faithful reader who will ask why I didn't post much lately next time we talk, so I'd like to clarify that I'm not in a slump or funk or hitting a speed bump. I'm just getting back into (good) routines and am busy!

But the blogs, they are a-formin' in my head, so watch this space.

And thank you for caring. :-)

Wordless Wednesday.

A Yo Yo Diet.

As a small child hearing about my grandmother's latest fad diets, I swore I'd never participate in those.

Eat cabbage soup (and only cabbage soup) for a month straight? No thank you.

We also heard often about the grapefruit diet, were offered Tab on a regular basis, and were able to recognize what was left of Nan's house after Katrina mainly because of the Slim Fast paraphanalia.

There was no reason for me to not know about a fad diet, or to be attracted to one. And I was NOT going to have any part of it. Ever.

That is, until I gained weight. When that happened, um, YES I want to lose weight quickly, easily and with as little effort as possible! I can sprinkle this powder on my food and drop 10 pounds? Bring it on! Drinking this shake will curb my appetite? Leave that blender out 24/7! Having a tablespoon of that type of vinegar after a meal will absorb fat? Pucker up!

Ah yes. My strong opinion of fad, yo yo diets was deeply rooted and not going anywhere...until my situation changed and I needed a solution.

A yo yo approach to anything is pretty unhealthy, really. I'd not thought of emotions and attitude in quite that light till I read a very familiar passage of scripture this week:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” – James 1:2-8

How easy is it for me to be disgusted by bad driving...when I'm not in challenging traffic?

How often do I judge those who make political choices I don't agree with...having never been challenged by circumstances other political parties work to change?

How much does divorce disgust me...me, who's never felt strongly enough about anyone long enough to marry them?

(I could go on and on, but I've probably alienated enough readers for now.)

My point is, all situations could lead to yo yo behavior. And since my volatile emotions are no more attractive than Nan's diet of the week in the 80s, I clearly can't rely on my own devices for stability.

Now that weight is a challenge for me, I can totally imagine that dieting could count as a "trial of many kinds." Yet, the only time I've "counted it pure joy" was to relish the relief that a shallow ex-boyfriend would stop harassing me with 30 extra pounds. Probably not what Paul, or God, had in mind with those words.

When I think of getting into a funk as the equivalent of committing to the cabbage soup diet, it's not such a comforting option.

Developing perseverance may not be easy, but it certainly seems healthier in the long run. Not to mention easier to be around.

So long, yo yo behavior. I think it's time to give perseverance a shot.

Wordless Wednesday.

Temptation.

First day of carnival season, and I get the baby. That's what I get for caving to the temptation.

Momentum.

I realized a while back that I work better in less confined spaces, at least where words are concerned.

So rather than making actual new year's resolutions, I started going with a broader term to encompass what I wanted to achieve that year: Explore. Remove the excess. Embrace.

You get the picture.

The goals I've had in mind lately were clear, but I hadn't found The Word yet. Then Keri Grayson Horn, a Mississippi friend, posted a Facebook status about momentum. And graciously let me piggyback.

So there we are! All set. Momentum. Take some goals, get moving, keep momentum. Keep doing what's working, with momentum. Delete what's holding me back, and press on with...momentum!

While, like everything, I'm sure it sounds a lot easier than it is, I'm looking forward to this newness.

So. Watch this space. It'll be interesting to see how much momentum I pick up in 2012.

And, of course, happy new year. :-)

Wordless Wednesday.

And the soul felt its worth.

I would be terrible at pricing things for retail. I'd also make a pretty rotten salesperson. My elementary school fundraiser efforts usually ended with my asking the neighbors if they were SURE they needed that candle, because I'd hate for them to buy it just on my account.

I'm equally bad about how I value myself, deep down. I mean, sure -- I know I'm loved, I know I'm treasured, and I know I have a skill or two. I don't take lightly my amazing support system, and hopefully, everyone has people in their lives to reassure them of that.

But if I had to put a price tag on RJ; well, I'd do what I'd do with sellable items: look around and compare my value to other similar things. Which when it comes to me looking at the (wo)man in the mirror, is not going to make any dents in the market.

Of all the people my blunders have affected, I'm the one who knows them best, and can relive them with a mere thought. Of every one of my quirks lifelong friends can list, I have five more to add. Of all my efforts at betterment you could point out, I could highlight the many, many, MANY times I've failed. And remind you that in a hundred ways, I have yet to truly succeed.

Maybe because of my skills at these things, as I was shower-singing one of my all-time favorite Christmas carols today, a certain lyric of "O Holy Night" resonated with me:

Long lay the world
In sin and error pining
Till He appeared
And the soul felt its worth.


And I was reminded, we're not just celebrating the pre-inserted standard calendar's birthday of a heroic man whose political activism or philanthropy or inventive genius changed the world I know.

Christmas, and every moment of Christianity, is about realizing that the self-worth I price at rock bottom takes a 180-degree sticker shock once my Lord and Savior appraises it.

With self-help and weight loss sections growing like chia pets in bookstores, we as a world are clearly looking to place higher value on these bodies and souls we live in.

Our final hope for happiness doesn't lie in cutting out carbs (and having a BRAND NEW BODY in just six days!!!). And I'm sad to say that finding everlasting bliss and calm won't be achieved through daily "guided" meditation.

What does significantly up the way we view ourselves, however, is looking at our humanity through the omniscient eyes of a loving God who, for reasons beyond our imaginations, thought, "They don't have to be losers. Let's give 'em a chance."

And He appeared, in the form of childbirth far from a posh birthing suite, in the custody of Joe the Plumber-type parents who really didn't have this in their 5-year plan. (Or at least not in this order, I'd imagine.)

And prophesies came true, and the literal and spiritual world changed, and the collective soul of humankind felt its Divine worth for once, versus the shabby, tainted way we view ourselves.

No more dollar store pricing for us. In the eyes of our Savior, we're beyond Madison Avenue caliber. Which for me, both takes some pressure off, and pushes me to re-appraise RJ and how she's giving thanks for this precious gift.

O holy night, indeed!

Merry Christmas to us all.

In Tennis Shoes: Open to Suggestions!

So, some of you know that I'm stuck in tennis shoes 24/7 due to a foot issue.

Some people this is no big deal. If you're one of those people and are a female who loves dresses and shoes and being in public, I hope that you never have to experience this issue.

Very related to the tennis shoes regimen, I'm desperately seeking serenity these days. The first 4 months' of treatment has not been working, which means I'm in this predicament for goodness knows how long until the right treatment does work.

I've learned that despite my best efforts, some things I need to achieve serenity are:

• Socializing...
• ...in public
• ...where I don't feel like my attire sticks out like a sore thumb

(There are others, but three are enough for tonight.)

So, I'm now taking suggestions for your ideas of places I can go and socialize in public without sticking out like a sore thumb...while in tennis shoes. And  while wearing attire that matches tennis shoes.

Not the weak effort of "dress pants" at work that just makes me feel like a less attractive Ellen who cannot dance, is not funny, and is not doing this ensemble on purpose.

Ready...set....GO!

Closer Than A Brother.

I have some wonderful friends. I don't know how that's happened, because I'm so far from perfect, and honestly just plain don't try to be perfect nearly as often as a lot of people do. But still, these friends -- these true friends -- they stick around, and they love me in my ugliest form.

The Bible speaks of the type of "friend who sticks closer than a brother."

I've just had a text exchange with my sister that reinforces the thoughts I've had for so long: that would have to be one truly, out of this world, amazing friend.

And, of course, that Friend literally is out of this world, because the Friend the Bible speaks of is Jesus. Who I am utterly grateful for, and Who didn't have to try to be perfect (He just was), and Whose ultimate, bloody, incomprehensible sacrifice has made abundant life possible for me.

So among these amazing friends I've acquired, and ridiculously wonderful cousins who I think more of as siblings, and this one-of-a-kind sister who probably should've disowned me years ago, I'm really thankful that when Scripture gives me that analogy, I know its profound significance.

And I am grateful, and humbled, and undeserving, and really, at the end of a day like this, pretty speechless to be loved that much.

30 Days of Thanksgiving.

If you're on Facebook or Twitter, you might've seen the "30 Days of Thanksgiving" trend popping up in your newsfeed. 


I know I already do the "5 things I'm grateful for" posts (kind of sporadically), but I am participating in the 30-day trend, and will try to update my blog weekly with each day's reason for thanksgiving throughout the month.




So far, my list includes:

• Day 30: I'm grateful for the chance to have gone places I've fallen in mad, eternal love with. DC, NYC, Boston, St. Louis...
• Day 29: I'm thankful for exposure to variety, and that it fascinates and compels me to do and be more.
• Day 28: Very grateful I haven't had foot issues forever & that I didn't deal w/ them during weddings or while traveling.
• Day 27: I appreciate every day and with deep fervor each of the broken roads that've led me straight to here.
• Day 26: Grateful for family who are also friends. 
• Day 25: Beyond thankful for grace -- God's and man's.
• Day 24: I'm so grateful to live in the land of the free. The ability to do, be & believe what I choose is a precious gift. 

Stay tuned for more. :-)

5 Things I'm Thankful for Today.

Five things I'm grateful for at this second are:

1. Fall.

2. Weekends.

3. Fulfilling work.

4. Friends and family who love me past my flaws.

5. Energy.

Free and 1/2

Today, I turn 35. That marks three decades of my life, plus five years.

Since I've rarely felt my age, and since in the past year, I've done quite a few very new things for me, I kind of find it appropriate to count the decades, and to say it the way a child would: free.

This works well for me, since in the past year, along with having several new adventures, I've also explored a new sense of freedom from my past, my present (and what I don't like about it), and my future (to claim my journey).

I've been free to discover my passion, and I'm even getting paid to realize that on a daily basis at work. That's really nice.

It's gradual, but I'm freeing myself from extraneous feelings and people and items that aren't contributing productivity to my life.

I even, by the grace of God, am in the process of freedom from some very deep-rooted ghosts that I've allowed to keep me from spiritual growth.

Finally, on the literal heels of what turned out to be a nasty foot issue, I freed myself from the misnomer that just because I'd been told to fatten up all my life, I didn't need to keep up that performance.

All this freedom is in the works, but it's very liberating.

I really like that 35 marks three and a half decades, just because "free and 1/2" has a fun ring to it.

While freedom comes with a high price (as well it should), it also comes with a great sense of, well, liberty. Joyousness. Exploration. Possibilities. Adventures.

I'm thankful for those, even with the prices I've paid to get to the levels of liberation I'm experiencing.

So, happy birthday to me. And let the good times roll.

I'm free and a half! :-)




"I have come that they might have life, and have it more abundantly." John 10:10

Wordless Wednesday.

5 (foot-related) things I'm thankful for.

5. Doctors who specialize in my issue.

4. Not having this in BOTH feet. (Ouch.)

3. Not having to chase anyone around. Like children.

2. Not being in a relationship with someone who would focus on his embarrassment from my being in tennis shoes 24/7.

1. Painkillers. Alleve. Etc.

An Apple A Day.

The first time I snow skied, I remember thinking, "I got to EXPERIENCE the snow!"


As a true southerner, I'd always been fascinated by the wintry weather, but skiing gave me an opportunity to participate in something I'd been in awe of for so long. It was incredible.

My interaction with Steve Jobs' products and services did not affect me  in a big way on a beginner level slope, or later when I reminisced on that one-time adventure.

I sort of grew up, technologically, under his tutelage.

Of course I'm awestruck by his products, their design, the packaging, and even the name -- not to mention ridiculous coolness level of -- the genius bar. Even reading spoofs of Steve Jobs' chill, go-from-geek-to-guru, experiential personality quirks has left me thinking, "Dang. How does that just HAPPEN?"

Besides bringing together the amazingly complex pieces of technology, design, products, services, and finance into a seamlessly beautiful puzzle, Steve Jobs changed the world I live in.

Someone said he was our generation's Thomas Edison. Another said our daVinci.

I say Steve Jobs made my entrance into technology in the work world not just a job skill, but an experience, and one I enjoyed. In large part, because of this man's brilliance and vision, I loved technology long before a device smaller than my hand could hold 8 days' worth of music that I handpicked.

When technology wasn't yet personal or social for me, I'd already fallen into mad love with it.

Many of the quotes I've seen tonight from Steve Jobs have focused on living in the now, pursuing dreams, doing what it takes to make visions happen, and savoring life.

While it's achingly sad for such a generational icon's life to have been cut so short, it's also uncannily providential that his legacy speaks unarguably to dreaming and living. Right now.

I'd say whether it keeps the doctor away or not, that's the kind of apple I need to partake in every day.

RIP, Steve Jobs. You made technology fun to experience, and you made this geek feel cool.

Thanks for that.

Written on my iPhone.

 

 

Wordless Wednesday. Sort Of.

The Fifth Element.

Five things I'm thankful for today are:
5. Peace of mind.
4. Friends who support & love me.
3. Fun mail.
2. A car.
1. Books.

Wordless Wednesday.