when I grow up

I have been trying unsuccessfully for the past three days to figure out how to post blogs to a private, "preferred" list. Since I never got the hang of it, I still want to blog what I originally had on my mind....it'll just be significantly scaled down. (I can handle it if you can.)

Last weekend, I was indulging in a very regular self-spoiling session of getting my nails done when I recognized someone I used to see regularly a few years back. We were really only acquaintances, so even though this (embarrassingly enough) goes against my nature, I didn't feel compelled to flag her down and say hi. As luck would have it, though, the one time I tried to be an adult and refrain from pointless gabbing, she recognized me and immediately requested the chair next to mine so we could "have a nice little chat while getting our nails done - isn't this just SO fun?"

(By the way, I use quotation marks when I'm quoting someone. Just an FYI.)

Anyway, during our manicure-length interview -- ahem, I mean "chat" -- I remembered something that maybe I need to be reminded of at this stage of the game: If I weren't where I am now, I could be a totally different person.

Ok, so maybe that wouldn't be an epiphany for you, but I do often need to be reminded that taking a different path is the making of a different rebekah. For instance, if I had not moved to Jackson, I would be a different girlio today. Good? Bad? Better? Best? Worst? Who knows. (Personally, I think I'm more fun now, but I digress.)

And if I were still working at the job I had right out of college, I'm pretty sure I would not have developed some of the skills I've gotten to hone in my field...and I definitely wouldn't have encountered some of my favorite people now! And if I still hung out with those acquaintances from way back when, I think some interesting traits would have rubbed off on me a little more than I care to explore. (Sadly, I'm easily influenced.)

So while I thoroughly loved living on my coast and in Hattiesburg, I'm glad the move to Jackson happened when it did. And while the Realtors association was a great place to cut my professional teeth and learn a lot of the PR ins and outs that are now second nature to me, it was definitely time to move on when I did.

And though the friends and churches and relationships and cliques and organizations I've encountered throughout my life have molded me and shaped me in ways I could possibly still use, I believe that listening to where I need to stand now is more important than prolonging something after its expiration date has come and gone.

Coincidentally (or not?), I've been reflecting a lot on these things lately and deeply wondering about my current place in relation to various organizations...trade associations, church, service groups, etc. A girl can get seriously burned out by committing to too much, but what is the recipe for me to be the best me I can be and still give back to the things that have been such a vital part of who I am? And further still, how do I know the best places for me to be involved? For instance, I should be doing something with the community, but what exactly? I should be active in some church, but which church has a rebekah-sized hole? Etc. I suppose the right answer is to pray about it, but I find myself wondering when I should just get a move on and do something about all this.

With that said, as I'm sure you can imagine, this blast-from-the-past (and rather perky) interaction really made me view things a little differently than I did when I walked into the salon. I mean, MANY of the things that bothered me about this convo are definitely things I'm guilty of! Yikes. I hate that.
After all that "chatting," internalizing, mulling and pondering while inhaling nail-related chemicals, I'd like to share with you what I came away with (besides pretty nails).

When and if I grow up, these are the things I hope for:
*a genuine spirit
*a desire for others to be the best they can be, no matter what or when or where that is
*a low level of curiosity about and high level of respect for others' private lives
*contentment with my own world that supercedes my need to judge others' worlds like a bad talent show
*the gift of gablessness (as opposed to gab) when the time comes to just BE, rather than talk aimlessly about nothing
*discernment about when, where and how much to socialize
*a discarded cookie-cutter mold of how everyone's life should turn out, and an embraced openness about experiences different from my own

And finally, I SINCERELY hope my fakeness will always end with my nails and never reach my smile!

Lessons noted.

5 Comments - 10 Kudos

I love your blogs. Not only are they entertaining but they give me the "truth" in life that I always need. You help keep me sane, thanks. P.S. I wished I lived n Jackson to share some of these great moments with you ;)
Posted by Carrie on July 25, 2007 - Wednesday 6:40 PM

RJ, I love having a friend like you! Your blogs always make me smile, and this one is no exception! Love you girl!
Posted by Ashley on July 26, 2007 - Thursday 8:43 AM

well said bekah....
Posted by monica on July 30, 2007 - Monday 2:47 PM