Wednesday, January 10, 2007

the love of my life

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12."

Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jack Bauer.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. In a matter of minutes, Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the bomb was.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.

American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for "24."

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in three moves.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."

Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.

Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with violence.

Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that wimp went to the hospital first.

When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something, you'd better do it.

Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were that the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants forevermore.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?

You know Jack Bauer loves Audrey when he willingly gives up the opportunity to torture her.

When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer."

Chase waited until he was sure Jack Bauer was dead before he dumped Kim.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

If Jack Bauer lived next door to Kramer, Kramer would knock before entering.

3 Comments - 5 Kudos
LOL. That is AWESOME. :-D
Posted by Ashley on January 10, 2007 - Wednesday 8:08 PM

RJ - You crack me up! Where'd you get this list? I MUST forward your blog to my neighbor, who's an avid 24 fan! Although, the less-than-perfect references to the "love of my life" -Superman... I'll forward it anyway! See you Tue!
Posted by lotts2tel on January 13, 2007 - Saturday 10:26 AM

Absolutely hilarious! I JUST got finished watching the premiere of '24'!!! Please tell me you and C aren't waiting until it comes out on DVD! ;o) please excuse me, while I go read this to my parents.
Posted by Skye on January 14, 2007 - Sunday 7:28 PM

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